Why Do We Act Out?

There are a number of reasons why one might turn to pornography, and I want to look at two that we at Refuge think is more of the underlining reasons why one goes to pornography. They both go hand in hand. One of the things we want guys to do is try to identify if there is a hurt or wounded that they received from someone when they were in their childhood or teenage years. Now some people can pinpoint this directly and they now specific what the wound is. Often there is more than one, and God has to show us what those are as well. We are born into relationships, and as a child, our closest relationship we have is with our parents or those who raise us. A break in the relationship occurs when something is said to us or done to us which causes an emotional wound. More than likely there is more than one break, there are many. This can come in the form of rejection, abandonment, physical, mental or sexual abuse. What normally happens is once the child is hurt they will try to bridge back their need of love, acceptance, worth/approval and security. Often the bridge doesn’t get fixed by the one that has broken it. At the point of the wound that child comes to believe something about themselves and something about God. Now if the one who has caused the wound reaches out to the child depending on the kind of wound it was the bridge is fix. Left untreated over time the break cause guilt, shame, anger, fear and pain. As that child grows up and moves into their teenage years or into their adult years they try to find ways to numb the pain. One of those ways is with porn, its escapism, and that will on last a little while because there is still pain. So they go to the next thing and the next. Only God can heal that wound so that it won’t hurt anymore, and what needs to happen is God has to show that person what He (God) has to say about what happened. When I started listening to what God had to say about my wounds, this was when I started to have victory over my sin, and healing started to take place in my life. Thomas Aquinas makes the statement, “Every sinful behavior is rooted in a legitimate God-given appetite.” If this is true, those who are acting out sexually are really crying out to God. This brings us to our second reason why people act out. There are four basic needs every human needs to have met in their lives: Love, Acceptance, Worth/Approval and Security. There is no one on the face of this earth that can truly meet those needs in our life except God. These are God given needs, and when we are not having those needs meet we turn to things that we think are going to meet them. Nothing on this earth can, but for a lot of people, they think porn can. Now Porn and sex will give you anything you want, take you anywhere you want to go, always free on the front end. But it will never fill that place in your heart, only Jesus can fill that and satisfy that. Why do we act out? We are looking to fill a wound in our lives or to have needs meet. Only Christ can heal wounds and meet our needs. Think about that the next time you are tempted to go to porn.

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