Archive for June, 2017

Our Sickness Is A Result Of Our Secrets – Part 1

deep_dark_secret“Our sickness is a result of our secrets.”   I heard someone tell this to a group of people a few years back, and I’ve never forgot it.  It is so true. Keeping things in the dark will never lead us to healing or freedom.  The enemy wants us to keep everything in the dark, because that is where the power of what we are struggling with comes from, the darkness, the secrets.  To help you keep things in the dark, he will tell you lies.  The enemy is the father of lies (John 8: 44) and he is forever speaking softly into our ears, and we listen to him.  I cannot tell you how many lies I have listen to and believed that where from the enemy.  Lies I’ve had to repent of and ask God to forgive me for believing them.  On a side note, this is one reason why so many believers get mad and upset at God.  They pray to God and then get mad when they don’t see or feel like God is listen to them, but they hear and listen to the enemy just fine.  James 5: 16 says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.”  Healing is tied directly into confessing our sins, letting our secrets out with someone else. The enemy will tell you not to do that, because people will treat you differently or you will be judged.  Most likely if you have secrets you are dealing with the shame and guilt, and you don’t want the shame and guilt to increase when you share with someone. For that reason, you don’t share at all.  There is so much freedom in the light, and in order for God to do His work, we have to get our secrets out.  God has blessed me with an amazing wife, and we don’t have any secrets.  She knows my story, my struggles, and the sins that I have committed. This is one reason I believe we are still married today, I got it all out on the table. There came a point in my life that I was so tired of dealing with the porn, I didn’t care who I told.  I just wanted to walk in the freedom Christ has given, and God brought a special couple into my life.  I sat down with this couple, and I poured my stuff out in front of them, and they started asking some deep questions, and I just got it all out.  The couple was not shocked when I told them the details of my sins.  They understood grace, and God used them mightily in my healing process.   Men, what other guy are you talking to and sharing with?  As men we have to have other men in our lives to make it through this life, God did not intend for us to do it by ourselves.  Proverbs 27: 17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Once a week I have men I have to check in with, to be accountable to. We will start a series on accountability shortly.  I have other’s that I know at any time they can ask me questions on how I am doing and they do.  If I didn’t have these men in my life I would be dead.  Who are you doing life with?  Pray and ask God to show you someone, that you can trust and sit down and share your secrets with.  Ladies this goes for you to.  Who are you doing life with?  Getting your secrets out is a hard thing, but it’s the first step towards walking in freedom.

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How To Protect Your Children From Pornography – Talking Points By Age – Parenting #11

 

m1axlonde67xhsotk9ondfjmutsf-uxoWhen we talk to our children about marriage, sex, porn, etc we want to talk to them on their level. Let’s look at some talking points by age group. Remember to point everything back to the marriage relationship.

Birth to 5 years of age

  • Remember you are your child’s protector
  • Give real names for each private part.
    • Sex abuse prevention training recommends to teaching children what their private parts are. Our children need to know the proper names for their private parts.  Each year children are abused sexual because they don’t know the names of their private parts.  Those who abuse children are given different names to private parts so the children don’t think anything is wrong.
    • Teach your children that no one (even parents) should touch them in in their private parts. Teach them the only person who can touch them in their private parts is a doctor, and mom or dad will be in the room with the doctor and another staff person should be in the room with the doctor as well
  • Discourage secrets and secret friends – “Secret’s lead to our death” Teach your children that they should not keep secrets, or have secret friends. If someone ask them to keep a secret they need to know how to say no.  Work with them on this.
  • Get to know your children’s friends and their parents. Exposure can happen at a friends house and it often does.
  • Show affection and build trust with your child.
  • Watch for red flags; sudden changes in habits; withdrawal; inappropriate fears or behavior.  This can show that your child has been exposed to something or has been abused.
  • Start to teach your child what a bad picture is and what to do if they see a bad picture. We define a bad picture as someone who is doing something inappropriate with their body and has little or no clothing on.  Teach your children when they see this either on TV or the computer they are to turn of the monitor or TV and report what they have seen to mom, dad or a teacher if this happens in school. (It happens in school more than you think).
  • Teach your child how to say “NO” if they feel uncomfortable about something.
  • Start your tech plan for your family (we will have a whole talk on this subject)

Early Elementary

  • Teach basics of physical boundaries
  • Express feelings appropriately
  • Showing respect for others (Their bodies and what is appropriate touch to others and what is appropriate touch to receive from others.)
  • Give permission to say NO
  • Discuss gender identity in God’s purpose/ Homosexuality. (Teach them what to do if they see people that look differently, man with makeup on, etc and how to responded to that) Teach them what two do if they see two men kissing or holding hands, same if they see two woman doing this.)
  • Continue to teach and reinforce what has been taught from the Birth to 5 years of age talking points.

Upper Elementary/Middle School

  • Remind them they are smart and capable
  • Discuss choosing friends and why this is important
  • Guard against exposure to sexual content (Tech Plan, what are bad pictures and what to do when they see them)
  • Cultivate dialogue and conversation about feelings
  • Warn about seductions and tricks
  • Discuss the myths of pornography – more middle school age. (We will be going over this shortly in our talks)
  • Guide appropriate dress and self-respect
  • Create a tech strategy for the family
  • Listen (Ask them what they are heard about sex, porn, etc.) This sets the stage of what needs to be communicated and what information needs to be communicated at this point. Ask them what they have seen on TV/internet about sex, etc.
  • Continue to reinforce the age appropriate talking points.

High School

  • Be your teen’s parent, not their friend
  • Help set healthy sexual boundaries
  • Establish courting/dating boundaries
  • Discuss gender identity in God’s purpose
  • Prepare them for situations they may face with dating, sex, etc.
  • Discuss sex, pornography, and technology calmly and frequently
  • Help them understand sexual abuse and rape
  • Maintain boundaries on dress and behavior
  • Model the pursuit of purity in your own life

The earlier you start to have these conversations with your children the easier it becomes to have these talks.  To your children it becomes a nature conversation were their is no shaming.  These are not one time talks.  I started when I was helping my son take a bath at night.  Now that he is older and takes his own showers, we chat at night before he goes to bed.  It’s just a nature talk we have.  Next time we will start looking at the myths of pornography and how porn can effect the brain.

Let me know what questions you have by leaving a comment below, or give us some feed back on our parenting resources.

 

How To Protect Your Children From Pornography – Appropriate Talking Points – Parenting #10

conversation-father-and-sonOnce we have created an environment of openness what is appropriate to talk about?  As parents we always have to be looking for teachable moments when we can share with our kids.  Remember the earlier you can start talking to your children about these subjects the easier it becomes and it becomes a natural conversation to them.  Children are being exposed at a earlier and earlier age to pornography. If your child is 5 and you haven’t started these talks yet your behind the 8 ball.  Studies show the average age a child is exposed is age 9.  Talk often.  This is not a one time conversation, you have to remind them over and over what God has to say about sex and marriage.  Talk openly. Encourage them to ask questions regarding sex and marriage.  Talk personally. Be alert to their curiosity about the opposite sex and take advantage of specific situations to teach them.  Talk positively. Your attitude will demonstrate whether you are ashamed to about sexuality or whether you see it as a God given gift that should be guarded.  Talk practically. Don’t pretend purity isn’t a struggle. Talk about sexual thoughts and desires and how to deal with them. Talk soberly.  Sex and sexual desire is a powerful connection between two people (male and female) that should be taken very seriously.  Talk to their heart. Purity is more than abstinence. It’s about their thoughts, motives and desires.  They are created in the image of God. Pound into them who they are in Christ.  Now their age depends on the level of talk and what is talked about, however something can be talked about at all ages, and we will go over this in our next talk. 

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