Posts Tagged ‘Church’

How To Protect Your Children From Pornography – Appropriate Talking Points – Parenting #10

conversation-father-and-sonOnce we have created an environment of openness what is appropriate to talk about?  As parents we always have to be looking for teachable moments when we can share with our kids.  Remember the earlier you can start talking to your children about these subjects the easier it becomes and it becomes a natural conversation to them.  Children are being exposed at a earlier and earlier age to pornography. If your child is 5 and you haven’t started these talks yet your behind the 8 ball.  Studies show the average age a child is exposed is age 9.  Talk often.  This is not a one time conversation, you have to remind them over and over what God has to say about sex and marriage.  Talk openly. Encourage them to ask questions regarding sex and marriage.  Talk personally. Be alert to their curiosity about the opposite sex and take advantage of specific situations to teach them.  Talk positively. Your attitude will demonstrate whether you are ashamed to about sexuality or whether you see it as a God given gift that should be guarded.  Talk practically. Don’t pretend purity isn’t a struggle. Talk about sexual thoughts and desires and how to deal with them. Talk soberly.  Sex and sexual desire is a powerful connection between two people (male and female) that should be taken very seriously.  Talk to their heart. Purity is more than abstinence. It’s about their thoughts, motives and desires.  They are created in the image of God. Pound into them who they are in Christ.  Now their age depends on the level of talk and what is talked about, however something can be talked about at all ages, and we will go over this in our next talk. 


How To Protect Your Children From Pornography – The Initiative – Parenting #8

parentscornerParent’s, we have to be the primary provider of information for our children when it comes to marriage, dating, sex, love, and pornography.  After we have examine our own hearts in the area of purity we have to get educated.  We need to do our homework. There are lots of good resources out there and so not to fully reinvent the wheel you can check out those resources on our Refuge website:

We are going to help you take those resources and implement with your children over the next several blogs.  As your studying and doing your homework get connected with other parents.  Parents need to be helping each other.  Also, it is so important to know the parents of your children’s friends.  Do you really know the parents of kids friends? Exposure to pornography can happen at a friends house.  This is why it is so important for your children to know what to do if they come across a “bad” picture, pornography.  A friend of mine came to me because he was struggling with how to handle his step-son. My friends step-son spent every other weekend at his fathers house and there in that house is no concern over purity.  There is not a tech plan in place at that house, and there is no concern to what is been watched on the internet or T.V.  I told my friend you have to teach your step-son about what to do if he comes across pornography and that your voice has to be louder than the fathers if their is no concern on what is being watched. My friend new the parent. Get to know the parents of your children, remember you are their protector.  I was first exposed to porn by spending the night at a friends house, and it was down hill from there for over 20 years, because pornography became my drug. Before you go and let your child spend the night at a friends house or go off and play, ask yourself, do I really know the parents, is my child safe?

Get ACTIVELY involved in your children’s lives.  We need to check our priorities.  Josh McDowell said, Truth without a relationship leads to rebellion.”  We will not be able to teach our children if we don’t have a relationship with them.  Dads this is especially important for us.  If your a Christian it should be God, your wife and then your children.  If anything (work, play, etc.) comes before God, your wife and your children you need to repent and make some changes.  Men, are we keeping our work hours in check, is our wife’s and children’s love tank full before we head out to play?  How is your relationship with your kids?  We have to be able to teach purity in love and with grace and if the relationship has been damaged we need to repair it.  This point is so huge, because most addictions what ever the addiction is, (porn, drugs, etc.) is just a symptom of something going on much deeper in the heart.  A wound can be producing the addiction, and most wounds come from those who are the closest to us.  Over time the wound produces so much pain the child now older must look for a way to deal with the pain, so they turn to the flesh to deal with the wound.  At the end of this blog I will leave the links for more information on wounds.

Sit down with your child, teenager, young adult and ask them, “Where have I hurt you, where have I failed you?”  Have I done anything to you to make you upset or angry? Be prepare to take some hits.  I ask this of my 10 year old all the time because I want to make sure there is not a wound there I don’t know about. Most of the time the parent doesn’t even know they hurt their child.  After your child tells you where and how you have hurt them, thank them for telling you.  Tell them you will come back and talk about this.  You at this time need to go and process what they have said, repent, and go back to your child and ask for their forgiveness.  What this is doing is rebuilding the bridge.  This is so important.

In our next blog we will be looking at how to start creating an environment of openness so we can start talking about purity with our kids.

Links to the wound:

How To Protect Your Children From Pornography – Parenting # 7


heart-check In our first six blogs we look at the gift of sex in marriage.  In order for us to effectively speak to our children about pornography we have to have a healthy view of the gift of sex in marriage and the over all goals of marriage.  By having this understand we will be able to speak to our children and drive everything back to the confines of marriage God has given to us.  Most churches are not openly talking about these issues. As parents it is our responsibility to be training our children. Deuteronomy 6: 6-9 says, “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates.” Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it.”  As parents we have to be training and teaching our children.

So where do we start at? We have to first examine our own hearts.  We are called to purity.  Colossians 3 tells us we are to live holy lives and verse 5 says, “Put to death, therefore , whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.” Also 1 Thessalonians 4: 3 says, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality.” and then verse 7 of chapter 4, “For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.”  As parents, we must first be walking in purity.  If there is a struggle we need to reach out for help.  We need to seek God’s grace for ourself’s. As parents we must be modeling purity to our children.  We cannot be modeling purity to our children if we are struggling.

After we have examined our hearts we can move onto the next step and that is taking the initiative of preparing our self’s and getting educated. As parents we have to be the primary provider of information to our children about relationships, love and sex.  In our next blog we will talk about how we go about getting prepared.


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