Posts Tagged ‘parenting’

How To Protect Your Children From Pornography – Talking Points By Age – Parenting #11


m1axlonde67xhsotk9ondfjmutsf-uxoWhen we talk to our children about marriage, sex, porn, etc we want to talk to them on their level. Let’s look at some talking points by age group. Remember to point everything back to the marriage relationship.

Birth to 5 years of age

  • Remember you are your child’s protector
  • Give real names for each private part.
    • Sex abuse prevention training recommends to teaching children what their private parts are. Our children need to know the proper names for their private parts.  Each year children are abused sexual because they don’t know the names of their private parts.  Those who abuse children are given different names to private parts so the children don’t think anything is wrong.
    • Teach your children that no one (even parents) should touch them in in their private parts. Teach them the only person who can touch them in their private parts is a doctor, and mom or dad will be in the room with the doctor and another staff person should be in the room with the doctor as well
  • Discourage secrets and secret friends – “Secret’s lead to our death” Teach your children that they should not keep secrets, or have secret friends. If someone ask them to keep a secret they need to know how to say no.  Work with them on this.
  • Get to know your children’s friends and their parents. Exposure can happen at a friends house and it often does.
  • Show affection and build trust with your child.
  • Watch for red flags; sudden changes in habits; withdrawal; inappropriate fears or behavior.  This can show that your child has been exposed to something or has been abused.
  • Start to teach your child what a bad picture is and what to do if they see a bad picture. We define a bad picture as someone who is doing something inappropriate with their body and has little or no clothing on.  Teach your children when they see this either on TV or the computer they are to turn of the monitor or TV and report what they have seen to mom, dad or a teacher if this happens in school. (It happens in school more than you think).
  • Teach your child how to say “NO” if they feel uncomfortable about something.
  • Start your tech plan for your family (we will have a whole talk on this subject)

Early Elementary

  • Teach basics of physical boundaries
  • Express feelings appropriately
  • Showing respect for others (Their bodies and what is appropriate touch to others and what is appropriate touch to receive from others.)
  • Give permission to say NO
  • Discuss gender identity in God’s purpose/ Homosexuality. (Teach them what to do if they see people that look differently, man with makeup on, etc and how to responded to that) Teach them what two do if they see two men kissing or holding hands, same if they see two woman doing this.)
  • Continue to teach and reinforce what has been taught from the Birth to 5 years of age talking points.

Upper Elementary/Middle School

  • Remind them they are smart and capable
  • Discuss choosing friends and why this is important
  • Guard against exposure to sexual content (Tech Plan, what are bad pictures and what to do when they see them)
  • Cultivate dialogue and conversation about feelings
  • Warn about seductions and tricks
  • Discuss the myths of pornography – more middle school age. (We will be going over this shortly in our talks)
  • Guide appropriate dress and self-respect
  • Create a tech strategy for the family
  • Listen (Ask them what they are heard about sex, porn, etc.) This sets the stage of what needs to be communicated and what information needs to be communicated at this point. Ask them what they have seen on TV/internet about sex, etc.
  • Continue to reinforce the age appropriate talking points.

High School

  • Be your teen’s parent, not their friend
  • Help set healthy sexual boundaries
  • Establish courting/dating boundaries
  • Discuss gender identity in God’s purpose
  • Prepare them for situations they may face with dating, sex, etc.
  • Discuss sex, pornography, and technology calmly and frequently
  • Help them understand sexual abuse and rape
  • Maintain boundaries on dress and behavior
  • Model the pursuit of purity in your own life

The earlier you start to have these conversations with your children the easier it becomes to have these talks.  To your children it becomes a nature conversation were their is no shaming.  These are not one time talks.  I started when I was helping my son take a bath at night.  Now that he is older and takes his own showers, we chat at night before he goes to bed.  It’s just a nature talk we have.  Next time we will start looking at the myths of pornography and how porn can effect the brain.

Let me know what questions you have by leaving a comment below, or give us some feed back on our parenting resources.



How To Protect Your Children From Pornography – Appropriate Talking Points – Parenting #10

conversation-father-and-sonOnce we have created an environment of openness what is appropriate to talk about?  As parents we always have to be looking for teachable moments when we can share with our kids.  Remember the earlier you can start talking to your children about these subjects the easier it becomes and it becomes a natural conversation to them.  Children are being exposed at a earlier and earlier age to pornography. If your child is 5 and you haven’t started these talks yet your behind the 8 ball.  Studies show the average age a child is exposed is age 9.  Talk often.  This is not a one time conversation, you have to remind them over and over what God has to say about sex and marriage.  Talk openly. Encourage them to ask questions regarding sex and marriage.  Talk personally. Be alert to their curiosity about the opposite sex and take advantage of specific situations to teach them.  Talk positively. Your attitude will demonstrate whether you are ashamed to about sexuality or whether you see it as a God given gift that should be guarded.  Talk practically. Don’t pretend purity isn’t a struggle. Talk about sexual thoughts and desires and how to deal with them. Talk soberly.  Sex and sexual desire is a powerful connection between two people (male and female) that should be taken very seriously.  Talk to their heart. Purity is more than abstinence. It’s about their thoughts, motives and desires.  They are created in the image of God. Pound into them who they are in Christ.  Now their age depends on the level of talk and what is talked about, however something can be talked about at all ages, and we will go over this in our next talk. 

How To Protect Your Children From Pornography – The Question – Parenting #9

nm-talking-to-your-child-about-cancer-featureWhen it comes to interacting with our children and talking with them about purity we have to create an environment of openness where we can speaking to our children about sex, marriage, pornography, etc.  We are going to speak to them on their level and use age appropriate talking points.  We will dive into age appropriate talking points later in our talks.  So how do we create an environment to be able to start speaking to our children? We have to find times and spaces were they feel comfortable talking.  You cannot force this, it’s something that comes naturally.  When we start looking at age appropriate talking points you will see where some training can be done while your helping your little one take a bath or shower.   Once my son moved out of this area I would use our time before bed time to connect and share.  I would also use our morning breakfast times where he and I would go out and grab breakfast and chat.  Since I have been able to create this environment of openness my son and I can start talking about deep issues any where and at anytime.  As we are creating an this environment of openness questions play a huge part in this.  So when it comes to talking about marriage, sex, porn you have to remember there is no question that is off limits. Remember, everything will be age appropriate for your child and it will be on their level and it needs to be in the context of marriage.  My son is 10 and we have already started to talk with him about marriage, sex, homosexuality, transgenderism and other things. He is already starting to see these things and we are talking to him about these things on a level that he can understand.  These are not in depth talks because he would not be able to handle that, they are talks that are appropriate for his age.  Most the time our talks last about 10 min because he is on to the next thing.  As there is no question that is off limits asking questions is a two way street.  You have the right to ask your child any question concerning sex, porn, etc, but they also have the right to ask you any question regarding these issues as well.  That is what you want.  One of the best conversations I had with my son was one that he asked me a question regarding a picture he saw out side of a popular retail store.  We want our children coming to us asking us the questions.  When your child asks you a question don’t freak out when they ask you something, don’t be shocked no matter what the question is or how they ask it.  Thank them for coming to you to ask their question.  If we freak out they will never come to you again to ask you a question.  If you don’t know how to answer them tell them you will get back to them, and go find the answer and give it to them.  One of the ways parents fail is they don’t ask their children enough questions. We also don’t want to embarrass them so we have to ask questions in love.  It helps to start this process as young as you can.  How young? Age 2. Once again we will look at this in our next talk.  Parents, we have to remember we are our children’s protectors. Asking questions gets the ball rolling and your kids will start coming to you when they want to know something and the earlier you start this process this conversation becomes a natural conversion to them. Question’s get the conversation going and this conversation is not a one time conversation but an on going conversation.  In our next talk we will start to talk about age appropriate talking points.

Let me know what you think about our Parenting series so far.  Leave a comment below.

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